HEALING OUR BROKENNESS

There's a Better Way To Live

Are You Lonely? You Are Not Alone.

Exactly What is Loneliness?

Loneliness is the emotional condition of experiencing intense feelings of emptiness and isolation, coupled with an intense desire to be wanted and needed by someone.A young woman resting her head on a table. I have no friends that I can turn to.   Loneliness is the painful awareness that we lack a meaningful relationship with others.  It is the sensation of being cut off from relationship, a state of being disconnected from other people.

Loneliness is marked by feelings of sadness, discouragement, isolation, restlessness or anxiety most of the time.  Prolonged loneliness can manifest in feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity, hopelessness, worthlessness, and meaninglessness.  Lonely people often feel “left out”, unwanted or rejected, even when in the company of others.

Many lonely people also feel a sense of worthlessness and a conviction that ‘since nobody wants to be with me, I guess I’m not worth anything’. Loneliness must not be confused with solitude, which is a voluntary withdrawal from other people and can be refreshing, rejuvenating and enjoyable.

Loneliness is not to be confused with being alone.  It is more than missing a particular individual or wanting to do something with someone.  Everyone has times of being alone either by choice or by circumstances.  However, healthy individuals experience solitude as a positive contribution to being refreshed, or a time of growing, while lonely people experience extensive emotional pain from the same situation.

As children, we are designed learn to first receive and then give affection and are taught the skills that will help us to relate with other people. Consequently we build healthy relationships and find acceptance in society.   However, when that need for affection and fellowship is unfulfilled, we become restless, unfulfilled, unhappy and lonely.

Lonely people ache for any kind of connection that would end the awful pain of involuntary aloneness. Young lady sitting on floor with head in lap. I can't take much more of this. Without healing, these individuals are prevented from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles.  They will often develop alcohol and drug addictions or they fill the void with fantasy, shopping or gambling. They often enter into co-dependant relationships where one partner is needy while the other needs to be needed.  Such conditions open the door for emotionally abusive and or violent relationships.

The Causes of Loneliness

Loneliness doesn’t develop overnight . It can result from of a lifetime of influences that shape our personality or it can evolve after a major change in circumstances. Some people tend to be loners because of circumstances in their childhood. For example, if a child was raised by an unaffectionate or overly critical parent, he may tend to shy away from intimacy with others. Some people simply never learn to communicate well or get along with others. Some, by their aggressive or demanding ways, may tend to cause others to feel intimidated and thus avoid them. Conversely, people with low self-esteem often withdraw from relationships which they believe will lead to rejection

Common Syptoms of Lonliness

  • Believing that ‘everyone else’ has friends
  • Feeling socially inadequate and socially unskilled
  • Being convinced there is something wrong with you
  • Feeling that no one understands one’s situation
  • Feeling reluctant to attempt to change, or try new things
  • Feeling ’empty’, depressed, or even contemplating suicide
  • Going to bed very late in spite of feeling sleepy because of fear of sleeping alone
  • Feeling extremely lonely in crowded places mainly due to observing others socializing and laughing

Running errands after dark to avoid crowds which make one feel        lonely

A child watches as a mother cuddles her daughter in their play together. A teenage girl walks alone past a group of peers as they laugh and talk together.  A young man lays aside his values to become part of a crowd. A single mom flips the pages of a magazine as she watches couples strolling through the park. An elderly man picks a daisy and ponders the hole left in his heart by the loss of his dear wife. Loneliness is a world-wide epidemic.

There is loneliness and then there is pathological loneliness. We all experience loneliness at times throughout our lives when there is a loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, or your child moves away to start his own life. But pathological loneliness is like a bottomless pit. Once the emptiness takes hold it seems almost impossible to fill up with love. Like a leaky cup losing water; the hole in the sufferer’s heart never seems to heal. No matter how many people reach out to help, love-hunger continues to gnaw away at the person whenever he or she is alone. This kind of emptiness is most often caused from deep emotional wounds which have been inflicted in childhood.

When children do not receive sufficient affection and affirmation they find themselves lacking in self-esteem, confidence, and purpose as they grow. They often flounder in their social skills, education, and mental stability. They have difficulty receiving God’s love and question His care for them. All of which leaves them wanting and lonely.

Although for these individuals, a deep intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe seems impossible, the best means of healing a lonely heart is developing a close relationship with your Heavenly Father. He knows how to fill all the cracks and crevices where loneliness lurks. He promises He will never leave you or abandon you. Christian counseling may also be a necessity to get to the root causes and bring about mental and emotional healing.

 There is much you can do to help yourself move out of your isolation and build new friendships that can be both stimulating and fulfilling.

Ways to Overcome Loneliness

  • Recognize what it is that causes your lonely feelings.
  • Identify the affects that loneliness has on your life, both physically and mentally.
  • Make a list of potential adjustments that can be brought about in yourself and your activities to allow more social interaction.
  • Seek out individuals who share similar attitudes, interests, and values with you.
  • Develop new friendships by joining small groups such as a Bible Study, book club or walking group. Girls sitting on the grass working together. I beginning to like the new me. I'm getting out and about.
  • Volunteer to sit on a committee or look for options to serve in your community. These opportunities are both rewarding and beneficial to your emotional health as you meet people and cultivate new friendships and social interactions.
  • Learn to see yourself as God sees you. You were created with unique gifts, talents and personality traits which will be a blessing others.

Loneliness can be overcome; however you will need to make a conscious effort on your part to make a change in your daily routines. Making the effort to alter the way you see social activities, friendships and yourself can eventually make you happier and healthier. You will surprise yourself in how you positively impact others around you.

My Books

Check out my books. We offer both paperback and Kindle versions.

Are you lonely? You are not alone.
Mental Wellness
admin

Are You Lonely? You Are Not Alone.

My Books Exactly What is Loneliness? Loneliness is the emotional condition of experiencing intense feelings of emptiness and isolation, coupled with an intense desire to

Read More »

Are You Lonely? You Are Not Alone.