The Most Common Complaints Found in Relationship
Some couples spend more time arguing than they do conversing in peaceful tones. A good starting place in rebuilding the marriage relationship is in understanding why couples fight and why they can’t agree. The following list contains 12 most common complaints in relationships.
- He is too controlling
- He is too possessive
- She is too manipulative
- He is emotionally unavailable
- She isn’t interested in sex
- He is never home
- He ignores the children
- She spends too much money
- He is too tight with his money
- She doesn’t respect me
- He doesn’t support me
- He doesn’t listen to me
Common Complaints in Relationship Controlling Behavior
Some men are confused between leading and controlling. While there is Biblical reference to the husband being the head of the home, it does not give permission to control. People control because they are afraid that they will be controlled if they don’t. In regulating what the partner can or cannot do, they are keeping their environment safe. What if she makes a bad decision? These individuals always need to be in control for their mental stability.
Common Complaints of Couples Possessiveness
Common complaints in relationships may come in the form of Possessiveness. It is a form of control that is birthed out of low self-esteem. Insecurity thinks they aren’t enough to keep their partner’s love. They are afraid of losing their loved ones. What if she finds someone else? What if he is not trustworthy? Possessive partners go so far as to restrict interaction with family or friends as a means of protecting themselves.
Manipulation
Common complaints in relationships may take the form of manipulation. This a method of controlling which may be generated by fear, or selfishness in wanting one’s own way. It is usually more evasive than its counterpart, possessiveness or regulating activities, and is often undetected by the victim. Scheming circumstances to encourage cooperation for one’s own benefit is not uncommon in a romantic relationship. Excessive nagging is another form of manipulation in attempting to change the other partner. These are just three of the 12 most mentioned complaints of couples.
Modifying Controlling Behavior
Controlling individuals need help in healing emotional scars and in building their self-worth. Old tapes will need to be dealt with and dismissed, while a new self-identity will need to be accepted and put into practice. When individuals learn to love themselves, they will be more open to trusting the actions of others. We can not change other people; we can only change ourselves. Modifying controlling behavior is part of rebuilding the marriage relationship.
Common Complaints in Relationships Emotionally Distant
Avoiding deep connection is a learned response to pain. If the individual has not bonded with his or her parents at a young age, bonding in a romantic relationship may be problematic. If a person has been deeply hurt in a childhood relationship or a previous romantic situation, they may find it difficult to completely trust anyone with their heart.
His complaint may be that she isn’t interested in sex, while he may neglect to set the mood through affection and affirmation. Additionally, individuals who were sexually abused as children may suffer from old memories being triggered by the physical touch of intimacy. As a result they may try to avoid the sexual element of their relationship.
If physical intimacy was introduced to the romantic relationship before emotional intimacy is established, it will be difficult to bond emotionally as all the focus will be on physical desires. Superficial conversations, candlelight dinners, and excursions will take precedence over opportunities to share deeply about concerns that really matter.
Healing for Emotional Distancing
The best way to heal emotional distancing is to take a thirty-day break from sexual expressions and spend time sharing your hearts with each other. Chat about your happiest upbringing memories. Share your most painful childhood experiences. Reveal the secrets you have not yet shared with your partner. Where there have been previous sexual partners, the bond, or soul-scars that were formed will need to be confessed, broken, and forgiven before both souls are clean and able to bond.
Rebuilding the marriage relationship progresses as you transparently share your deepest regrets and sorrows. You will begin to bond as you remove the armor and reveal who you really are. Emotional nakedness is the place where deep love grows. When you come back together in your physical relationship you will find it richer and more meaningful.
He is Never Home
Men are usually very work-oriented and competitive with colleges. Their drive is to make it to the top in their careers. Unfortunately, the wife and children are often asked to sacrifice for the benefit of his success. He tells himself he is doing this for his family, but in truth, he is more interested in his accomplishments and the accolades he receives from his superiors.
Common Complaints of Couples. He Ignores the Children
When Daddy is home he is always on-call so as not to miss an opportunity for advancement, or he is too tired to play. He has given all he has to give at the office and is so exhausted he just wants to put his feet up and relax. The children’s needs are put off for a day when he has more time. The danger of fatherly neglect is that the children are being set up to be drawn to someone who will give them quality time and affection, but at a terrible cost. These are three more of the 12 common complaints of couples.
Help for the Absent Father
If a man did not have a close relationship with his father, he may work aggressively for his father’s approval. If his father never spent quality time with him, he may not know how to play with his children. Physical affection may feel strange and uncomfortable. If he was abused as a child, he may fear abusing his children if he allows close physical contact. Feelings about affection and sex often become distorted when unsafe touch was experienced as a child. Healing of childhood memories is vital in rebuilding the marriage relationship and in learning to be an affectionate parent.
Disagreements over Finances
Marriage partners who come from differing backgrounds in how money is handled may have difficulties in agreeing to strategies for spending and saving. If one has been taught to respect money and set budgets, but the other spends impulsively, there is going to be tension. Add mounting debt and you have the makings of relationship breakdown.
Hope for Financial Differences
Sitting down together and drawing up a budget is important in bringing peace to the disputes. Allowing a specified amount for each partner to use for entertainment and personal desires helps to ease the tension. Any purchase over the decided amount should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners. In the situation where a budget continues to fail, professional help in money management should be consulted before they reach a point of financial failure. Rebuilding the marriage relationship will involve working together to change their spending and saving practices.
Disrespect
Another common complaint in a relationship is mutual loyalty and respect. They are necessary for any relationship, but in marriage, they are the very foundation on which trust is built. Disloyalty and disrespect on the other hand are assaults that destroy intimacy. Loyalty says, “I have your back no matter what.” Loyalty refuses to criticize your partner’s faults to a friend, regardless of how frustrated you are. Loyalty does not prevent the hurting partner from reaching out for help in a confidential counseling session.
Respect values your partner for the person he or she is with all their strengths and weaknesses. Respect is willing to work with and patiently help each other grow in areas where there needs to be an improvement. Disrespect leads to mental and emotional abuse. Disrespect undermines the person’s self-image and prevents reaching one’s potential. We have discussed nine of the 12 most mentioned complaints of couples.
Supporting each other’s Dreams
We should be our marriage partner’s biggest fan. Even if you are not interested in what their work entails, make the time and effort to support them in their work. She needs her husband’s encouragement to press ahead into unknown territory. She doesn’t want to be told what to do, but she does appreciate his positive input. He needs to know his wife is proud of him and his achievements. He likes to work side by side in friendship, so he enjoys his wife’s assistance in his projects.
Common Complaints of Couples. He doesn’t listen to me
“Could you please just put down your cell phone and listen to me for a second!” Sound familiar? If that doesn’t get his attention, try telling him you just won a trip to Hawaii and need someone to go with. See if that lifts his head. Seriously, many a frustrated wife, (or husband) loses their cool after the third try of attempting to get some eye contact. Part of respecting each other is in making the effort to listen attentively. If you are in the middle of something important, simply acknowledge her and say, “give me a minute honey and I’ll be right with you.”
Another “not listening” complaint is when an issue has been discussed and disagreed upon, but the husband or wife goes ahead and does what they want anyway. This is not only disrespectful; it is devaluing your partner. It is saying, “I don’t care what you think.” You might as well say, “we are not equal partners in this relationship,” or, “we are not a couple.” This attitude destroys whatever intimacy is left in the relationship.
We have discussed the 12 common complaints in relationships. The question now is, what if I have already tried everything and nothing changes? Marriage counseling would be highly recommended, but if your partner refuses, remember, we can not change our partner, but we can change ourselves so that our buttons don’t keep getting pushed.
Wives, I encourage you to memorize Proverbs 21:1 – The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; he guides it wherever he pleases. (NLT) Your husband’s heart is God’s business. He is the only one who can change it, so take your specific requests to prayer daily until You see change.
Husbands would do well to memorize 1 Peter 3:7- [Husbands] In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (NLT)
Invite God into your relationship, Ecclesiastes 4:12 explains the benefits. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (NLT) Praying together goes a long way in healing the marriage relationship, you may even experience a miracle. You may even discover that none of the 12 common complaints of couples are expressed in your relationship.
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The Most Common Complaints in Relationships
Some couples spend more time arguing than they do conversing in peaceful tones. A good starting place in rebuilding the marriage relationship is in understanding why couples fight and why they can’t agree. The following list contains 12 most common Complaints couples.